The Raft

Waybread

In one of my conversations today I was discussing with a friend how infrequently times of a true sense of joy actually appear in our lives, and how most of the time we experience a band, plateau type of existence. After this observation was made, my friend began to speak of the last time he had experienced a true sense of God's presence and of joy.  It had been more than a year.  As he talked about that time, which had been spent while he was alone in a foreign country, I could palpably feel the the joy of that experience return.  It was in his voice as he spoke.  As I thought about this, I began to appreciate the importance of remembering the tastes of goodness God gives us when we pay attention to his showing up in our lives.  My friend's sense of that presence of God was sustenance to his soul--an Ebenezer, or better yet, a waybread as baked by Tolkien's elves) that he could turn to again and again when his perseverance flagged.

Ugly thoughts about defensiveness

It’s been a while…so I’m back.  With a semester break coming I find that I am able to turn to some shareable thoughts.  

It seems that the theme that continues to pop up for me in these last few months has to do with the centrality of the issue of self-vindication in so much of the sin of the contemporary church and its leaders. I define self-vindication simply as the effort to prove one’s own righteousness.  In believers it shows up as a powerful urge to defend sinful strategies as justifiable. I have been thinking about this a great deal because the impact of self-vindication seems to loom large throughout evangelicalism. It is a tragic irony that the New Testament authors are clear about the danger of this not only for those of those who refuse God’s offer of good news in Christ, but in those who are Christ-followers and who attempt to live the Christian life by proving their own importance, all the while feigning humility.

I am not merely pointing fingers. I see this awful strategy in my own life.  My first reaction to critique is almost always defensiveness. My personal history of self-vindication is filled with incidents where I pushed people away, especially the people who meant the most to me.  It will continue to be a struggle for me, but I don’t always have to choose to defend the indefensible.  Paul’s words in Philippians about leaving that which lies behind and reaching forward to the “upward” call of extension of the Gospel in love are a great encouragement, because he urges us to abandon not painful memories but sinful strategies of self-vindication.  One reason to do this is that he says self-vindication distracts us from loving, encouraging connection to other believers and from our high calling to offer the words of life and love to all those who, often unlovingly, oppose the message of Good News in Jesus.  In short, I think it distracts from Trinitarian relating to all our communities.

I long for change. I pray it will begin in me.